You Can't Win With Me

If you say to me, "How are you doing?" With such
sympathy and meaning in your voice.
I reply, "I'm fine," And brush you off, Because to talk
about my loss with you is just too painful.
If you see me And don't mention the loss that is
consuming my thoughts, I think you don't care
enough. Or are too scared to mention it For fear that
you might upset me.
You can't win with me.
If you say, "I'm sorry your daughter died". It is hard for
me to reply to that. What do you expect me to say?
I want to say, "I'm sorry too!" or "It's awful!" I want to
scream, "It's not fair!!" But I won't because I don't want
to upset myself today, Not in front of you.
So I reply, "Thank you." That thanks means so much
more than that.
It means thanks for caring,
Thanks for trying to help,
Thanks for realizing that I'm still in pain.
If you don't know what to say to me, that's okay.
Because I don't know what to say to you either.
If you see me smile or laugh, Don't assume I must
have forgotten my child for the moment. I haven't, I
can't, I never will.
Tell me that I look good today. I will know what you
mean. I'm getting good at picking up unspoken cues
from you.
If you see me and think I look upset or sad, You are
probably right.
Today might be an anniversary day for me, Or some
event might have triggered a wave of grief in me.
If you don't say anything I'll think you don't care about
me. But if you do say something, It might make me
feel worse.
You could try asking if I want to talk, But don't be
surprised if I say no.
You can't win with me.
Don't give up on me, please don't give up. I need your
attempts however feeble, However trite you might
feel they are.
I need your thoughts.
I need your prayers.
I need your love.
I need your persistence.
I need all that but most of all I need to be treated
normally, Like it used to be before all of this happened.
But I know it's impossible. That carefree, naive person
is gone forever, And I am mourning that loss too..........
So you can't win with me.
Memories soothe my
broken heart and fill my
soul with love.
A DAY, A WEEK, A LIFETIME

When I wake up in the morning
I ask myself
How will I get through this day
Without You

As I dress and prepare to start my day
I wonder
How will I go on
Without You

As the day slowly slips away
I remember how you made me laugh
And I smile
Without You

At the end of the day
As I prepare to close my eyes
I know in my HEART
I couldn't have gotten through the day
WITHOUT YOU
A Love Song

The mention of my child's name may bring
tears to my eyes,
but it never fails to bring music to my ears.
If you really are my friend, please,
don't keep me from hearing the beautiful
music.